pray for me or think of me, a weary sinner as i seek to renounce this force of 'self-hatred'. leanne payne calls it one of the 3 great barriers towards finding completeness in Christ. i think she's on to something.
i certainly am often filled with it.
have tried to renounce it other times, thought of christian identity statements, read books etc.
i so want to experience the love of christ in my life and heart!
at times, i sense it some and am grateful.
i journaled tonight about some of the past and present sources of this self-hatred, this pernicious, disabling evil. such thoughts often flood my mind, muddying my awareness of God and of others.
it's not the same as narcissism though it can seem like it.
i so want to daily experience the true acceptance of knowing that I am Christ's dearly beloved son. All that is of true of Jesus is true of me but so often this self-hatred and other factors obstruct me from believing it and from experiencing it--when temptation comes, conflict arises, hard tasks are before me, etc.