On the Way

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
~ Psalm 84:5

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

self-hatred

pray for me or think of me, a weary sinner as i seek to renounce this force of 'self-hatred'. leanne payne calls it one of the 3 great barriers towards finding completeness in Christ. i think she's on to something.
i certainly am often filled with it.
have tried to renounce it other times, thought of christian identity statements, read books etc.
i so want to experience the love of christ in my life and heart!
at times, i sense it some and am grateful.

i journaled tonight about some of the past and present sources of this self-hatred, this pernicious, disabling evil. such thoughts often flood my mind, muddying my awareness of God and of others.
it's not the same as narcissism though it can seem like it.

i so want to daily experience the true acceptance of knowing that I am Christ's dearly beloved son. All that is of true of Jesus is true of me but so often this self-hatred and other factors obstruct me from believing it and from experiencing it--when temptation comes, conflict arises, hard tasks are before me, etc.

2 comments:

Ron said...

Hey brother. I am praying for you. I understand the feeling. It sucks. I appreciated the email you sent me a while ago - sorry I haven't written back we're having serious computer issues.

I'll write when I can - just know that I am seriously praying for you right now.

Doug said...

thanks for praying, Ron.
going through old blog entries.
such prayers have born fruit over the years!
If you get this, let me know.
I'm not sure if you still follow this thing.

peace-

Doug